老話道：「人算算，天笑笑。」我想像上天聽到外子和我規畫重大生日的慶祝活動時，肯定笑翻了：到吉利馬扎羅山健行是一個選項，去泰國騎大象緊隨，位列第二。疫情大流行期間，坐在我們家後院沒有進前十名，真夠教人意外，但結局的確如此。
An old saying notes that “man makes plans and God laughs.” I imagine God cracking up when he heard my husband and I outlining our game plan to celebrate our milestone birthdays. Hiking Mount Kilimanjaro was one option. Riding elephants in Thailand ran a close second. Sitting in our backyard during a pandemic didn’t make the top ten, surprisingly enough, but that’s where we ended up.
我會永遠記得居家隔離的生日，這天我與一隻紅雀目光相接，我心門大開，在令人驚奇的一瞬間，以高解析度看見這個世界和它的各種奇觀。具備了這些新的超能力，我彷彿坐在劇院前排得以近距離看到疫情之前從我眼皮底下溜過的事物。順帶一提，在你生日那天出生的人可不只有你一個。
I will always remember my quarantine birthday as the day I made eye contact with a red cardinal, my heart cracked wide open, and for one stunning moment, I saw the world and all its wonders in high definition. Equipped with my new superpowers, I got a front-row seat to see a few things that had eluded my pre-pandemic eyes. By the way, you weren’t the only person born on your birthday.
生日當天，有個朋友清晨4點半就爬起床給我送來了驚喜，在我家門外放了一面標語，上頭寫道：「請按喇叭祝史黛西生日快樂」。我登入網站看那些每日的可怕新聞時，狗狗把頭枕在了我膝上。家人給我送來毛茸茸的拖鞋和一件粉紅色的浴袍，就像他們還是小寶寶時，我裹他們用的一樣。每個溫馨的舉動都使得我心悸動。
A friend surprised me by getting up at 4.30 a.m. to place a sign outside my house that read, “Honk to wish Stacey Happy Birthday.” My dog put his head on my lap when I logged on to read the dreadful daily news. My family got me fluffy slippers and a pink bathrobe that looked like the ones I used to wrap around them when they were babies. Every act of kindness made my heart go thump.
我坐在後院，聆聽著鳥兒演唱會，注意到這些年來松樹長了這麼高。我看到一隻紅雀凝視著我，流露的那目光像是我所思念的某人。我納悶，不可思議的表演明明就在露臺上，為何自己卻長時間盯住螢幕不放？
Sitting in my backyard listening to a bird concert, I noticed how tall the pine trees have grown over the years. I saw a red cardinal staring at me with the gaze of someone I missed. I wondered why I had been staring at a screen for so much of the time when there is a magic show on my patio?
我正式的生日服是我最喜歡的一條瑜伽褲和印著心型圖案的連帽上衣，是我在附近散步，和周遭花木打招呼的理想裝束。沒有化妝，沒有塑身衣，但我憑著理直氣壯的自由，覺得自己明艷照人。
My official birthday suit was my favourite pair of yoga pants and a hoodie with a heart, the perfect outfit to march around my neighbourhood and greet the nearby trees and flowers. No make-up, no Spanx, but I felt resplendent in my unapologetic freedom.
說來可能有點誇張，但我確實感到世間的悲傷在我周身跳動，並因此淚如雨下。我歸屬的世界正在經歷難關，我很樂於身為人類一族的成員，發誓在人類的變化中擔任一位光明和希望的使者。
That may be an exaggeration, but I did feel the sadness in the world pulse through my body and shed a shower of tears. I belong to a world that is going through a difficult time. I am glad to be part of the human race and pledge to be an agent of light and hope in its transformation.
我坐在後院的露臺上，領悟到除了親近的摯友和家人，我所作所為對其他人都無關痛癢。大家都忙著策畫怎樣在社群媒體上展示自己的生活，無暇讀我最新的貼文。趁著沒人注意，我在和煦的春風中閉上眼睛。等我睜開眼睛時，看到了高清晰度的藍天。沒有蛋糕，女兒揉了一小球餅乾，並插上一支蠟燭。我狼吞虎嚥，接著才想起沒人在觀看。現在我書寫這件事，非常得意。
As I sat on the patio in my backyard, I realised that outside of my inner circle of true friends and family, no one cares what I am doing. They are too busy curating their life on social media to read my latest post. While no one was looking, I let my eyes close in the soft spring breeze. When I opened them I saw the blue sky in high definition. In lieu of a cake, my daughter rolled a small ball of cookie dough and stuck a candle in it. I gobbled it up quickly then remembered no one was watching. Now, I am writing about it with pride.
我還等什麼呢？我要告別那些吹滅我的光讓自己發光的人。我要丟棄那些不適合成年女性的高中生低腰牛仔褲。我承諾要少看手機，想想如何為修復世界多出力。
What am I waiting for? I need to bid adieu to people that can’t shine until they blow out my light. I must toss those high school hip-hugger jeans that are not meant for a grown woman. I promise to look at my phone less and see how I can help repair the world more.
在這個居家隔離的生日到來之前，過去我的慶生活動都經過精心編排，人和禮物都是滿滿的。今年這天，我醒來時並無任何具體的計畫，任由它緩慢而自然地展開。我與家人分享了平靜、安詳、歡笑和淚水。這一天結束時，狗狗抬頭望著我，眼神說道：「她終於明白了。」我真的不知道隔天或餘生會為我帶來什麼，但那也無妨。
Up until my quarantine birthday, my prior celebrations were carefully choreographed, brimming with people and presents. This year I awoke with no specific plans and let the day unfold slowly and spontaneously. I shared stillness, serenity, laughter, and tears with family. At the end of the day, my dog looked up at me with eyes that said, “She finally gets it.” I really don’t know what the next day or the rest of my life will bring. And that is just fine.
- crack up (v) 讓人大笑
- resplendent (adj) 燦爛的；華麗的
- in lieu of (ph)（以⋯⋯）替代
- adieu (n) 告別
- spontaneously (adv) 自然地
(202008-124-127)